Dasha: Skinny Girls Claiming Fat

29 May

I work with a passel of extremely attractive twentysomething women. We’re talking borderline beauty queens with the clothes and figures to match. I think the largest of a the bunch is a size 6. When she’s bloated with PMS. Luckily, they’re super nice, smart, fun women so I generally don’t begrudge their lack of back fat and their extensive wardrobes (including 3-inch heels, something many overweight women can’t wear without pain).

However, more than one of them has said something like this to me:

Office Beauty Queen: OH MY GOD, I’M GETTING SO FAT. Look at me! Look at all this flab! (Pinches millimeter of skin at waist.)

Me: Uh, yeah. No, you look great.

OBQ: What are you talking about? I’m huuuuuge!

Me (in my head): If you’re huge, you must think I’m a fucking monster.

If you’re overweight, you probably have been part of similar conversations. I’m not going to lie, I find it maddening. To me, it’s sort of like if I started complaining about wedding planning to a lesbian friend who desperately wanted to legally marry her female partner. As a woman in a relationship with a man (I happen to be bisexual, but that’s neither here nor there for this purpose), I had the privilege of being able to legally marry him, with the social approval of just about everyone in the world. Not cool to flaunt it to someone who doesn’t.

I know that some thin women get snide comments like “Eat a sandwich!” Or have friends or family express concern about eating disorders. That sucks and it should stop. But it’s nothing compared to the shit you get when you’re overweight or obese. Not to make this a “my pain is greater than your pain” contest but heavy girls and women deal with some serious crap. Mean comments from strangers, disapproval from doctors, family and friends telling you to lose weight (my favorite was when my father kept spamming me with Overeaters Anonymous emails–THANKS, DAD), the inability to find cute clothes that fit, lack of interest from potential romantic or sexual partners. Not to mention the job discrimination that many overweight women face. Thin women might get the occasional nasty comment but, in general, they are considered to be the ideal by almost everybody in our society. They’re celebrated.

I have to wonder where these women are coming from when they obviously have slender, fit bodies but complain about them. In some cases, I think they’re fishing for compliments. I used to work with a woman I’ll call Samantha, who would complain about her body but in a weird humble bragging sort of way. “I totally hate that I’m so skinny but I have huge boobs,” she’d say and I’d roll my eyes. She did this all the time and after a while I started ignoring her because it was so obvious that she wanted me to say something like, “Oh, Samantha, you’re gorgeous and perfect as is. Never change, my lovely!”

In other cases, I do think that as women we’re so screwed up about our bodies that almost nobody has a healthy self image. That no matter how beautiful and/or thin we are, we always think something’s wrong with us. I mean, think about it. We have the media constantly blaring about “banging” celebrity bodies (or shaming female celebrities who have the audacity to gain a few pounds). We have advertisements forever telling us that there’s something that needs fixing about us. Get whiter teeth! Lose 10 pounds in a week! Get rid of those dark spots on your face instantly!

What’s really interesting is that you will never, EVER, catch me complaining about my body except to a very few trusted friends. As an overweight woman, the last thing I want to do is call attention to my body and its flaws. Besides, I figure that everyone can see what’s wrong with my body. I’m fat. You’d have to have a pretty serious visual impairment to miss it.

The inspiration for this entry came from an article currently on xojane, one of my favorite sites. Julie, a very slender woman, wrote Who Cares When a Skinny Bitch Gains Weight? She’s a thin woman who has gained a few pounds, has outgrown some of her clothes, and doesn’t like that her friends aren’t sympathetic to her issues.

This is Julie.

There’s some interesting debate going on in the comments. Julie states that thin women deserve the same degree of understanding that larger women deserve when dealing with body image issues. Intellectually, I agree. We should all be compassionate and understanding with each other. Body image issues are rampant. But on a more visceral, emotional level, I’m having trouble with the idea.  As a person who has been teased, bullied, harassed and ignored at times because of her weight, I just can’t feel too much sympathy for a woman complaining that her size 0 skirts aren’t fitting any more because she gained four pounds. I want to be the bigger person (no pun intended) but it’s hard.

What do you think?

31 Responses to “Dasha: Skinny Girls Claiming Fat”

  1. fawlty04 May 29, 2012 at 2:31 pm #

    man, i’m having a hard time with this one. why is the binary thin vs not-thin? why isn’t insecure-about-body-image vs confident-about-body-image?

    • Dasha May 29, 2012 at 2:37 pm #

      Good point. But I think many (if not most) of us still think in terms of the binary. Ideally, yes, we’d think insecure vs. secure but that’s not how it works in the minds of most. At least, not me.

    • Dianne May 29, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

      To take it one step further, why think about individuals as either inherently insecure or inherently confident? Perhaps women (or people?) who are able to maintain their ideal weight may be able to do so because whenever they gain 3 pounds, they feel really bad about it, and when they lose those pounds, they feel much better about their bodies. The 3 pounds may not be noticeable to anyone else, but is very noticeable to them. Their irrational reaction to the 3 pounds prevents them from focusing on anything else, including (perhaps) how obnoxious they sound complaining about it.

      • Dasha May 29, 2012 at 3:06 pm #

        That’s a really good point. In other words, there really is no binary in anything at all…

  2. Erin May 29, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

    D, I have so many thoughts on this. I’ll try to type ‘em up later in something resembling a cogent comment, but for now, thank you for sharing your perspective on this. It’s such a thorny issue and I applaud you for tackling it.

    • Dasha May 29, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

      Erinnnn! <3 <3<3

      I would love to hear your thoughts. I'm pretty sure I tackled this pretty poorly but there's a wide gulf between what I intellectually think and how I feel. HUGE.

      • fawlty04 May 29, 2012 at 3:02 pm #

        “there’s a wide gulf between what I intellectually think and how I feel. HUGE.”

        AMEN.

        that gets me too. i’m uncomfortable about comments on anybody’s body because i don’t want to think of people’s bodies qualitatively, their personalities are difficult enough!

        it’s like race or sexual orientation or gender. sometimes things happen to us based on our race/s.o./gender even if we’re more focused on something else (like our lovely shoes or our charming sense of humor). when these other things are brought to our attention, our unintended passivity on the matter causes us to have an emotional reaction rather than an awareness of the bigger picture… enter snowball effect.

        we often forget that other people are having experiences separate from us; that is at once beautiful and terrible.

        • Dasha May 29, 2012 at 3:58 pm #

          I think it’s REALLY easy to lose sight of other people’s experiences. I’m sure I did with this entry in a lot of ways. It’s a good reminder to try to “walk in someone else’s shoes” even if it’s difficult.

      • Erin May 30, 2012 at 10:45 am #

        My comment has ended up as more of a book, so I’m just going to email the bulk of it to you. The heart of my problem is that the most useful weapon in the patriarchy’s arsenal is this idea that there’s a perfect body for a woman to have, because after implanting within all of us that insidious little idea, we not only hate ourselves, but we hate our peers, too: we hate them when we think they live up to that standard and we hate them when they don’t, because they remind us of our own failures. And it makes it so hard for women to have honest conversations about our bodies and the way that we feel about them, no matter their size, because we no longer trust each other with the pain that causes us– how can we, when we’re taught so early on that weight is a weapon, and we use it against each other the way that we do?

        I’m really uncomfortable saying that the pain any woman experiences in chasing after that unattainable goal of the perfect body is less valid than my own. I hear you 100% on the pain that you feel when someone who you think is closer to it than you are starts complaining, and I hear you 100% on the pain that you feel when you deal with compliment fishers, but I can’t say that for me, personally, the disgusted looks I got from strangers as a woman with a larger body was any less painful than what I dealt with later as a woman with a smaller body.

        In both circumstances, I felt like to those people, I was a body and not a person, that my body was a thing that was there to please people or not, and that is just not true. Saying “Eat a sandwich,” to a woman relatively smaller than me is still an attempt to exert control over another person’s body, and that is still wrong and that is still painful to the person hearing the comment.

        Fat or skinny (though I hate using those words, because I feel like it just reinforces this idea that there’s a perfect body, because fat in relation to what, exactly, or skinny in relation to what, exactly, every body is different and there can be no gold standard in a world where people are as beautifully diverse as ours), women are still treated, all too often, as bodies divorced from personhood, and that’s awful for all of us. That perfect body rule applies in equal measure to all of us as women, and though our perspectives and experiences in dealing with it may be different on account of the differences in our individual bodies, all of our perspectives are valid and all of our pain is real.

      • Erin May 30, 2012 at 11:26 am #

        I think what I’m trying to say with all of this is that what we’re really talking about here are just two different fronts to the same damn war. I hear you on thinner women being idealized by society, but even if that’s true, it doesn’t mean they don’t inhabit the same space that I do, it doesn’t mean that they see a beautiful woman when they look in the mirror. They have the same doubts and fears that I do. Just because they’ve never had the horrible experience of having someone physically recoil in disgust at their body (been there! done that! passed on the tshirt because they did not have it in my size!) doesn’t mean that they don’t have their own painful experiences with regards to their bodies, and no, of course it isn’t the same, but it’s still awful, and the root of the problem is the same.

        The women that you’re talking about whose bodies are idealized aren’t really idealized, not entirely. We only hold up pictures of gorgeous (airbrushed!) lady celebs as the ideal until we realize, after some paparazzo happens to snap a photo of a lady celeb who dares to leave her house without makeup or god forbid, sweatpants, like people do, that that lady doesn’t really meet the standard either, not without considerable help from digital imaging. And then there’s the pearl-clutching that people do over lady celebrities who, god forbid, are a size two (whatever that means, considering that sizing is rarely even standard within a brand, let alone standard across all clothes produced by all clothing companies worldwide), which is just a sadly believable byproduct of a world that enforces a Beauty Is One Size Fits All policy on a world of women who are never going to be the same size, because that is not how biology works.

        I hope that in all of this I have not ridden roughshod over your own experiences and your perspectives, D, because this shit is awful and I know personally how much it sucks to be bullied and teased and friendless and just generally the butt of jokes because of your weight. To use your words above, I think what I’m trying to do in my life lately is match my thoughts to my feelings about this stuff, and it’s so hard. It’s hard every day. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t catch myself looking at the skinnier-than-me women on the bus and hating them a little. But there is no more fault in their bodies than there is in mine, and when I devalue their experiences, I’m playing right into the same awful thinking that keeps me from seeing the beauty of my own body, no matter its size, and selfishly, I don’t want to think that way about myself anymore. I hope this doesn’t come across as preachy, the last thing I want to do invalidate the bullshit you put up with when people try to control the state of your body, and I don’t want to tell you that you’re wrong for feeling the way that you do, because you’re not, and from someone who has been there too, I’m sorry that you have ever had to deal with that. Nobody should, not you, not me, not any woman anywhere. This is really just my middle finger to the patriarchy and my call to unite the sisterhood, I guess, I don’t know.

  3. L. Sparrow May 29, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

    “I do think that as women we’re so screwed up about our bodies that almost nobody has a healthy self image. That no matter how beautiful and/or thin we are, we always think something’s wrong with us.”

    Yes I think that’s it. I think that’s it completely. I know that after all the work I’ve done, I still do not have a positive self image. It’s gotten better, but I have the whole, “I’m so fat moments.” And I believe them and they still cut and burn.

    We tear ourselves apart because in magazines, the women who are glamorized are negative sizes: for real. Fashion drives so much of this as does the media. We are taught from birth to not be happy with the way we look. In addition, the media glamorizes youth which as you get older, leads to more criticisms and lots of expensive moisturizers.

    I agree: BMI ranges from overweight to obesity have the hardest row socially. I know when I was heavier I was treated a certain way. Now that I am thinner, I am treated another way. It’s jarring, in fact, and I’ve noted it more than once. I’ve also noticed my own confidence levels rose as I lost weight, too. So is it that I am treated different because I am thinner? Yes. Am I partially responsible for that treatment because I am more confident? Yes. It’s a combination of both.

    There are no easy answers to this one. It’s ingrained in our current society to teach women we’re not enough. We are–no matter what our shape or size. We have to change that philosophy first and foremost, I think.

    • Dasha May 29, 2012 at 4:00 pm #

      All wonderful points, L.

      There definitely aren’t easy answers. Except the most obvious one: as women, we’re fucked no matter what. (That was sort of, but not really, meant in humor.)

      • L. Sparrow May 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm #

        Or maybe we stop listening to society telling us we aren’t enough. Maybe we have to find a way to believe it. I have questioned more than once if it is even possible anymore to do so. This current style of emaciated beauty I do believe is linked directly to power. The more powerful women become, the thinner society wants them to be. There was an excellent article about this very recently—within the past couple of days. I am searching for it and will post the link.

  4. PushDumpFatButton May 29, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    Reblogged this on Push Dump Fat Button.

  5. Carie Bosch May 29, 2012 at 3:29 pm #

    yes. i’m not small, have never been small but have LONG stopped complaining to others about being fat. no one cares, and pretty much people are just looking for a compliment. i have had friends who very naturally thin people. in fact, my best friend was once denied insulin needles for her diabetic daughter because the pharmacist thought she was a junkie. she would get very pissed about people making comments about being skinny to her, and i would tell her people were just jealous. it’s been YEARS since someone has actually made a rude comment (like, since childhood? i can’t remember the last time someone called me fat except for my grandma or my ex husband.. and neither of them count) to me about my weight (i’m 5’10″, 240) but if someone would say something to me, i’d know they were very insecure in their own lives. and this is how i feel about skinny girls who complain about being fat. like, really? you can’t come up with something more creative? (seriously though, we do all need to be supportive of each other. we’re all different, and we’re all beautiful. <3 great blog!)

    • Dasha May 29, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

      I definitely think there are smaller women who get crap for their size. For sure. But I still maintain that overweight/obese women get the worst of it. (Not that it’s a contest.) The entire world is set up for thinner women.

      Not that you disagree with me in that, I’m guessing.

      Those comments definitely come from a place of insecurity. I wish we, as women, could all feel more secure about our bodies. What a crazy world we live in.

  6. Jood May 29, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

    I dealt with one of those compliment-fishers in the workplace many years ago, and I ended up having to be the one to apologize. It was apparently poor form to ask a colleague to stop hanging around the neighboring reception desk all day begging for praise, and drowning out my attempted work discussions in the neighboring cube. As expected, the thin girl was the victim and the heavy girl was jealous/spiteful/whatever.

    I feel badly for anyone whose body image doesn’t line up with what’s in their head, or who isn’t comfortable in the body they have. What I can’t abide is the endless feeding (you should pardon the expression) of the new size-zero standard with an endless supply of unrealistic or outright falsified images of beauty; particularly for perfectionists or the insecure, it creates monsters at all points on the continuum.

  7. elodieunderglass May 29, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

    Because “fat” = ugly! boring! slobby! unsexy! unsexual! hairy! smelly! no self respect! no fashion sense! lower class! disgusting! unintelligent! undisciplined undesirable! will never be feminine! or get laid! should be grateful for any attention!

    While “thin” = obviously the magical and quantifiable opposite of these things because LOGIC.

    And anything suggesting that body shape does not actually grant magical life-changing powers = MASSIVE WORMHOLE OF COGNITIVE DISSONANCE ARGHJBALSHAKSHLJHF!!

    I remember a blog of some type (tried to find it again, but I forgot, it was probably Captain Awkward) in which an exchange something like this happened to the author:

    Skinny Lady: I’ve gotten so faaaat!
    Fat Author: Honestly, that’s a pretty hurtful thing to say in front of me; how do you think it makes me feel when you’re skinnier than me, and you act like being “fat” is so disgusting?
    Skinny Lady: But you’re not… fat!
    Fat Author: Uh. I patently am. But thanks for acting like the truth is, like, a communicable disease.
    Skinny Lady: But you’re not like those other fat people!

    By which Skinny Lady meant that Fat Author wasn’t all of those negative connotations (hairy, ugly, badly dressed) and also was not doing very well in the role that Skinny Lady had chosen for her (funhouse mirror for the ego.) Body fat has nothing to do with it.

    So yes, it is a bit off to hate on people for representing any body type, including those who fall into the skinny portion of the bell curve. There are indeed difficulties with living in every shape. To me, it’s the social aspect of fatness that’s the problem, not the subcutaneous tissue makeup of the people involved, and it is 100% fair to do a Miss Manners eyebrow raise and snarky remark at people who attempt to make you into said mirror. I don’t care how sweet they are – if you don’t care for that passive-aggressive shit, call it out!

    • Dasha May 29, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

      I’ll comment for real in a bit. I just wanted to say two things:

      1) I love your brain so hard, A. For reals.

      2) It thrills me to no end that you’re reading this. And I need to link to your blog!

  8. Robbie May 29, 2012 at 6:45 pm #

    I might comment more after I’ve thought some more, but for now, YES, I am on board with your view, D. It’s very hard to know what to say to a size 4 who’s pissy that she’s now a size 6, when I’m a size 22 or so depending on the whim of the sizers at Avenue.

  9. KQ May 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm #

    Hi! So I really enjoy your blog. It is a delightful mix of useful information, self-deprecating wit, and thought-provoking discussion. Never change, my lovely.

    This post was no different in its thought-stirrin’ content, but I take issue with the way it was presented. There’s just about nothing worse than an attention-seeking coworker, especially one who will exploit size insecurities to improve her own self-image; you are right to be frustrated by the Office Beauty Queen’s careless shittiness. I think, though, that that kind of behavior is less about OBQ’s size and more about her personality. I’d feel better about this whole thing if the phrase “skinny girls” were replaced with “whiny idiots.” Like, there are idiots on my way to work every day who will complain (while toting a Louis Vuitton bag) about being “ugh sooo poor” IN FRONT OF AN ACTUAL HOMELESS PERSON. Inconsiderate people exist in all shapes, sizes, and genders, and the “fat” issue might just be your trigger. It’s not super fair to call this behavior par for the course in skinny women when it’s really only par for the course in people who are rude.

    In framing this as a complaint about “skinny girls” having the nerve to complain about their lot when big girls have it much worse, I think you let the real culprit (SOCIETY) off the hook easy. This author (discussing the Marilyn Monroe “fuck society, this is sexier than this” meme) says it better than I can: “The thought behind this comparison photo is to turn the dominant paradigm on its head, but what it really does is reinforce that for one woman to be good, another must be bad. And that kind of thinking isn’t going to get us anywhere.”

    http://www.shamelessmag.com/blog/2011/12/the-marilyn-meme/

    I’d also argue that your assumption that fat girls receive worse weight-related treatment is short-sighted. Hoo boy is it shitty that your dad sent you Overeaters Anonymous emails, but I think generally, at least in civil in-person interactions that take place in public, there’s a growing societal stigma against shaming someone for being overweight. In my experience, that kind of social restraint disappears when someone is deemed “too skinny.” Perhaps it’s because people assume that underweight/skinny people are in control/doing it to themselves? (Skinniness does sometimes flirt with self-harm – in the form of anorexia, for example.) But in the last year alone, I’ve had many get-togethers with friends that ended with someone telling me to “eat a burger, you skinny bitch.” In an especially magical show of tastelessness, a reunion with a former boss began with her LITERALLY REACHING OUT AND GRABBING MY WRIST to measure its circumference with her hand and deeming me omg ew so skinny, why aren’t you eating. Somehow, this kind of behavior is acceptable when the person involved is on the skinny side of the spectrum, despite the fact that it’s degrading and embarrassing.

    Maybe it’s apples and oranges – the weird audacity of the in-person ridicule skinnies face under the guise of jokiness, versus the perhaps more subtle, behind-closed-doors, say-it-when-they’re-not-around discrimination against overweight people? The bottom line is not that one group has it harder, but that it’s all harmful and unacceptable.

    • icedteainthebag May 30, 2012 at 7:59 am #

      KQ, I really liked your comment here. I think that even though I hate fat discrimination because I’ve experienced it, I tend to forget about discrimination on the other end which is just as damaging and offensive. I can say I didn’t realize there even WAS such a thing until a few years ago–I’d probably seen it in action or even participated in it (“That girl just needs to eat a cheeseburger!”) but naively thought that, well, they have nothing to complain about, their bodies are perfect. And I was jealous so that also seemed to justify those thoughts.

      But after learning a little more about this from someone you know very well, I’ve become more cognizant of it and have a really hard time when I see people engaging in that behavior. Because I realized that it hurts thin people as much as it hurts fat people. It’s not about whether we are fat or thin, really. It’s about … people are constantly judging others, and therefore, this feeds into a cycle of people believing they are ALWAYS being judged, which makes us all paranoid and nervous and angry and leads me to thinking that someone who makes an offhand remark about having a fat day when I don’t regard them as fat is being insensitive and doesn’t appreciate what they have.

      But what created this? Like, seriously, at what point did people decide it was cool to criticize each others’ bodies. I’m guilty of it as most of us probably are in some way, at some point in our lives, but I don’t know where it came from. I feel like I need to find the source of that–did it happen when we were little, from what we observed in others? And where did that come from? Lots of thinking to do.

      • fawlty04 May 30, 2012 at 11:32 am #

        post-war housewife malaise and magazines, no?

  10. Marguerite May 30, 2012 at 4:46 am #

    Me (in my head): If you’re huge, you must think I’m a fucking monster.

    THIS. SEVEN OR EIGHT MILLION TIMES THIS. Oh my god, so much this. I generally dislike it when ANYONE bitches about their appearance for any reason, it has much less to do with weight than it does to do with people projecting their self hatred onto me and the world. I have enough self doubt, thanks, I don’t need yours too. I’m not talking about people who I’m close with actually discussing their own foibles and insecurities. I’m talking about people who just want everyone else in the room to say BUT YOU ARE SO SKINNY OMFG. And yes, don’t hate on yourself for gaining an extra pound when the person sitting next to you is obviously overweight. Just, don’t. /rant

  11. Paige May 30, 2012 at 6:06 am #

    “Me (in my head): If you’re huge, you must think I’m a fucking monster.”

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this thought. I’ve even said “hey, if you think you’re fat, what does that make me – Jabba the Hut?” The responses range between “Well, you’re taller” to a more insincere “Oh, you look great.”

    I understand how body image is influenced by so many things. What I don’t understand is how someone who so obviously doesn’t have a weight problem ends up bitching to someone who does.

    I also think the media has so distorted body image that women have lost all perspective and common sense. Go sit in your local mall or park and look at real people. Very few resemble the skinny ideal you see on TV or magazines. Yet, everything we read, see and hear tries to define our self-worth through this skinny ideal. I think that’s where the skinny gal fits into the “you can never be to rich or skinny.”

    Rather than be frustrated by the skinny girl’s rant, maybe we should look at her with pity. Because damn, I may be on a diet for the rest of my life, but I will most certainly know and will certainly celebrate my goal weight.

  12. jordan May 30, 2012 at 7:40 am #

    The skinny girl just has PERMISSION to vocalize the same insecurity she feels that heavier girls feel. Like I can’t go over to a desk and say, “I’m so fat I can’t eat that,” because it will be too awkward, but she can say,”I’m so afraid of being fat I can’t eat that.” Because both of us are the same. Up until I was forty years old I was never over 130 pounds. Then I gained over 100 pounds in about two years and some has slowly gone away over the years but I still have enough so that doctors look at me with disgust. The point is, I’ve been both skinny and fat, only skinny for far longer, and I know that terror of becoming a social reject because it came to pass. At 110 pounds, most my life, I was always obsessed with how unloveable I’d be if I got to 115 pounds. AND IT WAS TRUE. I have to be surrounded with thin eighteen to twenty year olds constantly, the most judgmental of all human beings. Just remember, the anorexic can’t stop dieting, because she sees a fat girl in the mirror. We ALL see the fat girl in the mirror. There’s a reason she’s begging for compliments; it’s because she feels every bit as bad about her body as any other woman. You get to be smug for about five minutes about the way you look, and those five minutes are at some unpredictable moment in your lifetime. “When she grows up, she’s going to be beautiful.” Five minutes later: “She must have really been beautiful when she was younger.” The rest of the time, you’ll never be good enough. Too thin, too fat, too tall, too old. The bottom line is, too female. We’re born losers by virtue of being female, which will never be good enough. Not until we stop buying into the cultural standard, and when you do that, it means a certain kind of social isolation most people can’t face.

    • fawlty04 May 30, 2012 at 11:48 am #

      “Not until we stop buying into the cultural standard, and when you do that, it means a certain kind of social isolation most people can’t face.”

      wow.

      i feel this way about so many cultural standards it makes my head spin. i think i’ve unintentionally been choosing isolation over the course of my lifetime. the older i get, the more i recognize cynicism and critique as my way of fitting in. how messed up is that?

    • L. Sparrow May 30, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

      Yep. Exactly. The problem is what we see in the mirror, no matter what size we are. We see the flaws. We see the problems. We do not see our own unique beauty. We cannot see our own glory.

      It’s a horrible tragedy.

  13. actuallyfatt November 24, 2013 at 9:42 pm #

    “We’re born losers by virtue of being female, which will never be good enough. Not until we stop buying into the cultural standard, and when you do that, it means a certain kind of social isolation most people can’t face.”
    AMAZINGLY TRUE and perfectly put.
    When people want to engage in body-shaming themselves (and consequently me at the same time) I flat out tell them that I don’t want to hear it. I used to play the “don’t say that, you’re gorgeous!” game with other women, but I’m just far too over it to do that shit anymore. In all honestly I truly think that 90% of it is fishing for compliments, in which I think that they must be very sad people if they need to resort to getting a fat person to bestow compliments on them. I think that they felt superior to me and needed to convince themselves that there was a pang of jealousy in my voice when I told them how great they looked. The thing is, I’ve not been jealous of a thinner person in about 8 years, because I learned how to love myself for more important reasons. Sure I want to lose weight for functional reasons and to make shopping easier, but no longer do I envy thin ladies simply because they are thinner than me. One massive pet hate that I have is searching for “fat” and “fatshion” on Tumblr and seeing pics of slim-medium build girls that are probably a size 8-12 … FUCK OFF, I COME HERE FOR FASHION INSPIRATION FOR MY FAT BODY, NOT TO DROWN IN YOUR SMUG #omgimsofat BULLSHIT!!!
    Whew! rant over :)

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