Adrienne: this is why i’m fat

9 Apr

So, is it bad to troll this is why you’re fat for recipe ideas?

This is where I’m at.

All my life I’ve been a master at piling high-calorie foods on top of each other in order to make grandiose creations. Tortilla chips smothered with shredded cheese, sour cream, barbecue sauce, and ranch dressing? Bring it on. A crumbled Hostess cupcake on top of a bowlful (and I mean a BOWLful) of cookie dough ice cream? Yes please.

Some things seem like things normal people would consider eating (maybe… I think…):

BBQ pork, macaroni and cheese in a grilled cheese sandwich, via tumblr

But then there are those that I think most people would balk at. These cement my belief that my strange cravings show no bounds:

Sliced doughnuts topped with brownie mix, melted Cadbury Creme Eggs and frosting, garnished with red sprinkles and served with fried pound cake chunks, via tumblr … seriously, Cadbury Crème Eggs. YES. I get ridiculously excited by this prospect.

There’s something so intriguing about these foods–those that are seemingly outrageous, yet I’m mysteriously drawn to them. I wonder why, when I see a picture like this:

Taco Bell Cheesy Double Beef Burritos stuffed inside a sausage log wrapped in bacon, via tumblr

THEIR REACTION: “I just vomited in my mouth. There is not one rational human on God’s green earth who would put that into her body. My cat would try to cover that up with its scratchy-paw move.”

MY REACTION: “LET’S MAKE A RUN FOR THE BORDER.”

What makes people react differently when they see foods, smell foods, read about foods? What makes one person go for a small kid’s cone and another go for this:

One layer of marshmallows, a layer of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, another layer of marshmallows sandwiched between two S’Mores Pop-Tarts topped in chocolate sauce, via tumblr

I mean, the answer is obvious to me. Because a small kid’s cone will never, ever taste like S’Mores Pop-Tarts in chocolate sauce with Reese’s cups. Never.

What made me this way? Is my preference toward the fatty, the salty, the reprehensible, inherent or has it been learned somehow?

Surely we can read and cite all the scientific research about my taste buds’ affinity for fat but is that helping me, right now, avoid this stuff that is so deliciously subverting my journey to my goal weight? No. It just tells me that I am not to blame for this affinity! It’s just the way my tongue is.

Game on!

Or how about how fat eating “may alter the brain as much as hard drugs” and therefore, ingesting the Taco Bell sausage roll, over time, will make me want more Taco Bell sausage rolls? Why isn’t the inverse true–why can’t I yearn for more grilled chicken breast on a bed of arugula if I repeatedly eat it?

Maybe what I need is rehab. Kale chip rehab.

Maybe I just don’t have willpowe–oh, wait, Fuck You.

I love eating healthily and have entertained myself creating healthy, appealing, savory foods to try and curb the urge I get to go grab three McDonald’s Double Cheeseburgers on the way home (stopping at three McD’s for one sandwich each, which I do so nobody knows I’m eating three… wait, I’m off on a tangent) and stuff them in my face. Maybe topped with/dipped in ranch dressing.

Goddamned ranch dressing.

I love the way healthy eating makes me feel; when I eat a flamethrower burger and fries chased by an Oreo brownie explosion what-the-hell-ever at DQ, I feel heavy inside, both physically and emotionally.

As much as I want to live this way, menu planning from this is why you’re fat, I know I can’t. I did that for too long, and my weight was slowly killing me as a result. Now I go through fits of going back there again–of bingeing on these things–and I need to know what I can do to stop this behavior, because I can’t seem to shake it.

10 Responses to “Adrienne: this is why i’m fat”

  1. Dasha April 9, 2012 at 2:46 pm #

    I mostly refuse to pay any mind to studies that basically say, “Guess what? If you’re fat and you don’t want to be, you’re fucked on every scientific level, girlfriend.” Because if I do that, I might as well eat all my food wrapped in the comforting embrace of Krispy Kremes. But, yeah, I do wonder sometimes why I love fatty shit so much. The best part of chicken, IMO, is the skin. The best cheese is Brie. The best salad dressing is bleu cheese and French. TOGETHER. See where I’m going with this? Why don’t I have an inherent love for lightly steamed organic vegetables served on a bed of millet?

  2. icedteainthebag April 9, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    I KNOW. I’m with you. The other day I was mixing bleu cheese (blue or bleu? are we hoity toity? this should be a post) with strawberries (another strange combo). Because I need to make my healthy things fatty. And I love chicken skin. Though I really don’t mind grilled chicken breast. Though… broasted is better.

    I wonder if the intended, or resulting, effect of these studies is people accepting themselves as overweight because they are just Born This Way.

    • Dasha April 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

      You know what’s the best? Let’s get real here. Dipped in batter and fried. The only way.

      Hmm..that’s an interesting question. It seems like studies like the one you cited above are used with some frequency by the Fat Acceptance movement. (For the record, dear readers, I am NOT anti-FA and plan to write an entry about it one of these days.)

  3. kaie w. bird April 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    “Goddamned ranch dressing.” Amen.

    • icedteainthebag April 10, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

      Seriously. If it didn’t exist, I would probably be… 35 lbs lighter.

  4. Allison@thecrazyfat April 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm #

    WAIT…This is why you’re fat is back online?!?!?! Glory be! I thought it was gone forever!

    • icedteainthebag April 10, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

      I can’t tell if it is being updated, but it exists at that tumblr. That’s enough, right?? And if it is not updated I will weep. Did you see the spaghetti cake with the Ferrero Rocher meatballs? Oh, epic.

    • Dasha April 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

      Can I just share a squee that you commented on our blog? I love your blog so very much.

  5. Chandra December 14, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

    Very nice post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts.
    After all I will be subscribing in your feed and I hope you write once more soon!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Adrienne: WIAW #1 « eat me, drink me, bite me - April 11, 2012

    [...] my entry on all the things I’d love to be eating from this is why you’re fat, I’m going to show you what my actual food day looked like today in What I Ate Wednesday, aka [...]

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